Indecision - What it Means and What To Do About It

There was a time in my life where I was afflicted with indecision. I couldn’t decide which one of the many initiatives at work I should start with, or which tv show to watch (this was pre Queer Eye and RuPaul’s Drag Race which has replaced the need to decide with which one to binge first) , or what to wear in the mornings, or what to say to my friends that needed support. The result of this indecision was nothing. Literally nothing. I either couldn’t move forward with a decision so I opted to do nothing or I’d wait so long that the resulting decision was rendered ineffective. 

At the time of this bout with indecision I was going through a difficult period in my personal life. I had just lost my father to cancer and I was in a failing relationship. Both of these things resulted in a major blow to my confidence which I’m convinced triggered my debilitating indecision. 

Low confidence means you lack the belief that regardless of the outcome, you will be okay. Low confidence will manifest itself in all sorts of fun ways in both your personal and professional life and indecision is one of them. Indecision means you don’t trust yourself to make the “right” decision. It impacts your ability to weigh and prioritize options in an efficient manner and is downright paralyzing when it comes to making meaningful moves in your life and business.  

I had to do A LOT of personal and professional development to work through the loss of a parent, a relationship and my confidence. It took time, effort and money but there was light at the end of the tunnel and the result was so worth it. I’m proud to say that today I’m one of the most decisive people I know. When I made the decision to quit my corporate job and sail (half way) around the world it basically happened over night. When I was captaining my sailboat and decisions needed to be made about course or sail changes I didn’t hesitate, and when the time came to return to life on land and I had to decide whether to search for another job in corporate or start my own consulting business that too was easy. These decisions weren’t easy because I have a crystal ball and therefore all the answers, these decisions were easy because I recognized that indecision and low confidence go hand in hand. Here are the two most important things I’ve learned about confidence and indecision:

Confidence is a Practice

If you’re waiting to get confidence before doing something I won’t hold my breath. Confidence is a lag measure - you need to do to get. There are lots of tools that I found useful to help develop my confidence (affirmations and power posing are effective and fun!) but at the end of the day the most impactful move I could make was to JFDI. 

Decision Making - Focus on the How Rather than the What

I appreciate that even the most confident people will be presented with difficult decisions. A reframe I find helpful is outlined by Annette Verschuren from her book Bet On Me. She discusses how too many people stress about what decision to make when really, they should shift their focus to how they will make their decision work. We’re a smart group of people so for the purposes of this illustration I will assume that when it comes to important life decisions we’ve filtered them down to options that have the potential for success (as opposed to options that will crash and burn). If we replace the amount of effort we spend on deciding what to do with how we're going to make our decision work we can effectively eliminate the inefficient back and forth that too often accompanies decision making.